So we have 12 days, I guess 11 if you dont count today & the fact its almost gone! I've been washing & getting all of her clothes ready! I cant really think of anything I am forgetting to do, but I am sure there are many things I should be doing! So now we wait :) Her name will be Kimberly Sarah, (instead of Claira) she will be named after her Aunt Sarah~ We have had my niece's littly guy Anthony here visiting and having him here has helped me with a lot of preparations, such as, well I knew Amira would be an awesome big sister! she just loves playing with Anthony and will do Anything to help out with him! But what has shocked me about the whole experience is how Richard has responded! He absolutely Loves Anthony and is thrilled to spend time with him! When their Mom picked them up, Amira gave Anthony hugs (he is very snuggable lovable little guy!) and Richard gave me a hug and then Anthony reached out to have Richard take him! so adorable! Richard says Amira is a baby hog and a control freak! lol, she helps so much and yes she does hog the baby! This has been a wonderful thing to help us prepare as we adjust from two teens to two teens and a baby lol :) Amira says, "teach me, this and that and this and that before Kimberly comes" I told her, we will learn as we go! for there are many things that I dont know, or need refreshed on, and having a newborn will be an altogether new experience for me! So as we prepare, Reid is at work, anxious, the kids with their Mom, anxious and me here with Anthony, anxious! but he has helped me fill the void and I hope the kids are busily engaged in whatever they are doing!~ I know Reid is working hard & running 3 miles a day!!! I cant believe how fast this time has gone! :) I can hardly wait to meet our little girl!

Kimberly Claira

Wow this blogging thing has changed a bit... and its been way too long since I have posted anything...
There is a change coming, her name is Kimberly Claira, this is our baby girl. Though I would shout it on tops of mountains, facebook is too public, for now. So I share my excitment here, though I am sure (as I post so rarely) that no one will know! which is ok too.
On January 20th I got a phone call, day before Reids birthday and since he is working in Wyoming and it was his b-day the next day I was there alone in his apartment. Too soon to know gender I rushed to Wal-mart before he came home for his break, and bought a boy & a girl onsie. I was too thrilled to do as I planned, instead, I held them up and asked what he wanted... He gave me a funny look. We have been through years of infertility and many miscarriages... So I told him we have been given a baby, due August 7th... It is rare when I see tears in my husbands eyes!
The first ultra sound we were able to attend as a family she is 16 weeks inside her Mamma's belly. She wiggled so much! I cried through the whole thing! and when this Angel carrying our baby handed me the small picture I cried harder. No words can explain my deep love and gratitude for this Angel! The tech said he has never been wrong, but its too soon to say gender but he hinted its a girl. I would not complain if he was wrong, but he is pretty sure. Richard and Amira have a bet going and so the tech was teasing them... it was fun! such a wonderful experience! So after 8 1/2 years of marriage we are finally growing our family!
There have been many stating their fears as to her parents changning their minds. Reid and I are at peace with this because we know its a possibility, but we also feel it wont happen. However if it does, we are thankful to have the oppertunity to go through this excitment! And we know this will be a step in the right direction even if something does change. Our prayers have been answered and our tears are finally tears of joy!

As we are keeping the mother's identity private I will be posting here instead of fb... If you do follow please comment, & please respect that we dont want any of this on facebook. Thanks :)

venting

ok, so as a step-mom I tend to observe others in their parenting habits, while I do not have my kids around to parent... last Sunday we showed up late to Amira's New Begginnings for young womens, we arrived about 15 minutes earlier than we had been told, and so did the one who told us... (which is odd that she even told us! she usually does not & we find out about it after its happened) Ok, so after it was over, which was not long after we had arrived, we went to the cultral hall for refreshments~ while standing there Amira came and stood near us. After a while I said, "maybe your Mom wants to spend some time with you too?" 'I dont care, I am staying by you!' ... so anyways, while Kristyn stood alone, many people came up and introduced theirselves, or came to welcome us having recognized us from Richards court of honor the wed. before... no one spoke to her that I saw, she stood alone waiting for Amira to finish her cupcake, which was so cute btw... Amira was mad at her Mom, and expressed that when I repeated something from the spotlight that did not sound true to me, see her Mom, who is supposed to know her said that her favorite food was eggs, eggs seriously... anyways, so Amira said that all her Mom had put in the spotlight were lies, I said no some of it was right on, she gave me a dirty look... on the way home I cried, why cant this woman who is supposed to be their mother know or pay attention to important things like this????
Thursday, our next visit with the kids, Richards hair has been shaved again, this is the only thing she knows how to do, but she really does not know how to do that! because the day Reid and I got married I had to fix the spots she missed, he looked like an old man with a bad hair cut! So Reid and I have been married for over 7 years now, and you know how many times I have had to fix the only haircut that woman knows how to do!?! too many to count... okay, so its a hair cut right no big deal, it grows back quickly... he cries, the poor kid cries everytime! Amira had a friend over at their Mom's house and the friend see's a pic of Richard and says "its ok, I have a cousin with cancer." with a sad voice. Amira laughed and said, 'thats not my cousin that is my brother and he does not have cancer!'
When we have taken him to a shop and had his hair done, leaving hair on his head, he is so much more confident! So yesterday we argued with the ex about his selfesteem... she says "there are a lot of boys with their hair like that." so we asked Richard, who sadly said "No." told her that and her reply was "so you want him to be like all the other kids?" Why cant she just understand? Is it that freeking difficult to ask a 12 year old boy how he wants his hair? Ok so now that we live close Reid is supposed to get his hair cut, or do it himself to avoid this unhappy confrontation, well she had the kids 3 weekend in a row, and right before our weekend she does this, and then yells at Reid via text that "it is his fault he never takes responsibility for what he says he will do" Had she waited till we bring them back this coming sunday and he still had a full head of hair, then I can see her doing that, but she did not! Ok, so my wonderful, forgiving mother in law, always explains to me, Kristyn's upbringing and her mental handicaps and I feel bad for getting so irritated, but there comes a point when some people should never been given rights to be parents... I know if your reading this you are thinking that this does not sound so bad, trust me it gets worse! Far worse!
So years ago when I first married Reid, I would cry, and I would think about the future that that woman does not have with her children, for all the choices she takes away, someday they will have a choice and my prediction is, it will not be her!
Amira says to me, "I waited for a half hour for my Mom, she was downstairs talking to Richard before bed, she said she would come in and talk to me too. When she finally came upstairs, she shut my light off and said goodnight." okay so for a 11 year old girl to have to deal with this she knows, she realizes, & this type of thing has been going on for a long time! Amira says to her Mom, " I want to call and invite Nay to the thing tomorrow." her Mom tells her no, and she will not go if she invites me... so to have her Mom there, and not get in trouble she does not call me from school like she wants to do all the way up till this "thing" you know the maturation talk... on my end, I am anxiously wondering if she would like me to go, and figuring if she would, knowing Amira she would call me, but she did not... so I did not go, and I asked my friend who has a daughter the same age if Amira's Mom was there and she said no, she sat alone... So I waited the days before she came to our house again and asked, 'so why didnt you call me? were you imberrassed? Did you not want me there?' her MOm basically threatened her, I will not go if you call, and guess who did not show up? When you only have two children how is it impossible to balance the love, to be at their important things when they need you? she never gave Amira a reason she did not come, she did not ask if she had any questions, she just simply did not care. After being married for over 7 years and still no children of my own, seeing things like this really hurts me, because I know it hurts them... I still cry for the kids, but I dont cry anymore that her future with them looks bleak. I am more than happy to welcome them into my home after 18, Holidays with their spouses and kids~ They will have a choice! I will not take that from them, but I am pretty sure they will not be choosing a neglective, manipulative, lying mother. However, I will still teach them forgiveness and hope that when their adult years do come that they will be able to forgive, and hopefully still show her love. because of the guy she is married to, they will be very lonely and unhappy elderly people!
As I watched my Sister in law interact with the mother of her step children, I could not help but have a small bit of envy, because at least this woman will talk with her kids step-mom. She still lies and manipulates, but she at least, from what I observed, treated Lisa like she is a big part of their lives (which means she has a little respect for both her kids and Lisa) Lisa is an amazing person anyways! so I would think that'd be a bit intimidating to an ex... But she seemed to be okay with Lisa overseeing things at her son's Eagle court of honor... I could be wrong, this could have been keeping up appearances, but from my point of view it went well! but like I said, Lisa is amazing!

So their step-dad put on his fb page, something about fat guys with perms, referrring to Reid... you know all the time they have been married they have been making fun of Reid and I being overweight. Well now she no longe can Squish, and I do mean Squish into her husbands pants, and I do believe her butt is bigger than mine! and she can no longer Fold her stomach into her pants! What you give is what you get returned! I am Fat, yes I realize this! everyday in fact! I also learned at a very young age not to assume I know why someone is fat, or not to make fun of anyone. I am overweight because I am Diabetic, I am diabetic partly because of that obesity... Its a constant struggle I have dealt with since I was very young. I was also taught when I was young, that I need to love myself no matter my waiste size! because I could be my ideal weight and still hate myself...or be totally unhappy with my life, quite like they are...

anyways, enough for today~
I am so grateful for so many things, that when I vent like this it makes me feel guilty. Just having Richard and Amira in my life is worth any evil they can dish out to me, it hurts when it is about them, that they use them to cause Reid and I pain. that is what hurts the most, because though we can get past it, they will probably spend most of their lives trying to overcome this evil placed in their path.