A hard lesson learned

I did not realize its been almost an entire year since I have posted on my blog, lol... Last year sometime, I realized I have gone through a lot of strange changes and dont do certain things I used to... such as keeping a balanced check book, pick up the mail at the post office (which honestly I really used to live for that daily ritual) I dont brush my teeth as faithfully as I used to... Ok so you get the point, the good habits have slowly been disappearing, and there are more, lots more, and I dont like to post things like this, but I am being honest with myself (cant put it on FB because fo certain stalking people) anyways, why the changes, for the worser (as the kids used to say) Reid says to me, "you never get the mail anymore, is there something wrong? did Carol say something to offend you?" Ok, first of all, Carol is one of the sweetest people I know, so I quickly said No, but then I thought maybe she thinks the same thing... so after Months of having Reid or the kids get the mail, I walked in, and she was shocked! SO, I thought, why have I not been getting the mail~ Why dont I brush my teeth and floss like I used to? & there is really no way of keeping a balanced check book when your income is here and there anyways right? well all these things and others... We moved in our Home on March 31st 2007, within two weeks after moving in, I lost a baby, I did not know until I had explained to my Mom, who pointed, and had pointed out the pain I was in sounded like a misscarriage~ a year later same month... another, so neither time I knew I was pregnant... 2009 was such a stressful year anyways, with constant attorney visits, going to court, and all the other lovely fun things that fell like domino's because of those court visits... oh and Reid working in Wyoming. At the end of 2009 I started feeling movement everyday, believing that could only be one thing, it was consistant, and it got progressivly stronger! I went for many months thinking I was pregnant, though some things did not fit, like I could not get a positive test, but my Aunt had had the same thing happen to her, so I just figured, when I came I would know that I had been pregnant... talk about weird, well a lady backed into me, I was going really slow thru a parking lot anyways, because of the stress from that moment, blood flowed heavily, and that determined that, well the Dr. said I had gas for the pervious 8 months (which I dont recall ever having gas that went along these lines before or since...) needless to say I did not listen to him after an ultra sound proving I was not pregnant, (still feeling movment) I decided forget it, I was gonna lose the inches I'd gained thinking I was pregnant, luckily my weight did not go up... I had a friend determined too, to lose some extra weight, so we started ourselves walking 3.6 miles per day (3-5 x/week)and I tell you I felt wonderful! Having a friend to talk too, and it helps that Amira & her daughter Selina are best friends, so they'd walk with us (well Selina would Run!) anyways, we were determined to get in shape enough to run the day of the town celebration, they have a one miler and a 3, so we did that, it was awesome, I will post pics of our victory later~ and one more thing to do, since finances were not such that we could take a trip, we decided to go on our hike, to Naomi's Peak,something we have dreamt about since our search began for a home in Cache Valley. So our Idea was to park our car at the end of the trail, and to have our friend drop us off at the beginning... so we did just that... As with my past pregnant experiences, the spirit would tell me, not to do this or not to do that, I would always think, (like when we were moving in) Reid kept saying not to lift the boxes... I was too impatient to wait for him, and I attributed the spirit to Reid's warnings, I thought, Oh, I will be just fine... So as the excitement brewed for our hike and plans were set into action, and summer was drawing to a close, the warning came to me that we should not go. I thought now I am just trying to wimp out, because I knew it would be tough! So we went, and we hiked and hiked and hiked and hiked... and I enjoyed it very much, it was very challenging, so much so that you could not convince my body that any of the walking we'd been doing had helped at all! though really I know it did! Oh, I even took a test before, it was negative.... after the muscles recovered, mine, everyone else seemed fine as soon as we walke through the front door, I told the kids next year I want to go hike Mnt. Timp... They rebelled and said no way... well after our nephew's wedding, Reid's family said that is what they were going to do, and I thought sweet, finally, after all these years of hearing about it, living in Utah I was finallay gonna see the caves... The kids did not want to go... I was feeling some pain, and being that I feel pain a Lot, I just ignored it and enjoyed family, or tried... when I went to the bathroom, and saw the little fetis, I new I would not be hiking the next day, having experienced this before I knew what it was... Being in a public place, I didnt know what to do, so I flushed, and tried to be happy... Both kids went with their Aunts & Uncles and got to see the caves & they enjoyed it too! of course they were not carrying packs either (Amira pointed out) Richard didnt care, he was like a mountain goat all through Naomi's Wilderness.
The Pain, that ususally eventually goes away, did not... it stayed, and was a mean constant reminder everyday, until my mother in law reccomended an herb, it helped a lot till it was gone, now the pain has lessened greatly and I dont notice it everyday, though I have a high tolerance for pain, dont know why. The pain, that is consistant still is the reality, that had I not lifted the boxes, I would have a toddler~ Had I not went on the hike, I would be due in the spring... So why do I not do the things I used to do? There is a song that helps me, "There will always be a place for the one who went away, for the one who left too soon, the one who couldnt stay, there will always be a piece of my heart thats broken,for the child I couldn't keep and the love that goes unspoken.... I still have cause to smile, but I'll think of that little one every once in a while.."
Its a beautiful song!
If you have taken the long time to read all this, I Thank you! I apologize for being so redundant! The outcome of these realizations~ I was asking my Heavenly Father how I could strengthen my communication and understanding of the Holy Ghost, so that I am prepared and listen when he tells me something or warns me of things...before I could even think this I had a revelation, I cant say its the first but it certainly was the most vivid, and it was simply amazing! it was like one thought, one something simple, I dont even know how to word it... but it was so extremely profound! I could not sleep after that! I was way too excited! this was back in Dec. and the revelation, is something I am doing over the course of this year~ Take each month and study the life and teaching of the 12 Apostles~ by doing this, so far, I feel its helped me spiritually by being a better teacher, to be more open to the promtings of the Holy Ghost was my goal, and I say that by reading modern scripture, and taking these things into my life, it has helped me a lot. My Mom always used to say, when I was in my rebel stage "you always learn things the hard way..." I suppose after over 7 years of marriage, and several misscarriages, that I'd have to agree, I am still learning the Hard way. But at least through this, my spirit will grow!~

Um, wow! Long time no new post, hope no one missed me, lol.
I have been enjoying the new sounds of our many birds, enjoying catching up with family and friends, making new ones on facebook! catch me there!

Earlier this year I told Reid and the kids I wanted our Christmas theme to be "homemade" and being that I have a ton of crafts, and how-to books,& Reid has a ton of tools, I figured it be no trouble, lol... Upon saying that, Amira new just what to make for Richard, he had no clue, months went by and still no ideas...
So the last couple of months I have been busy when the kids are not home, sometimes it was hard to hide the items I was working on and I wondered how full time Moms ever make anything for their kids, I had a lot of fun! and quite the learning experience. I am a bit of a perfectionist, and as crunch time came close I had to throw perfection out the window and settle for getting it done, I was so pleased as the finished products went into wrapping, and even more thrilled when they came out! I have quilted several times with my Mom, never binding them though... I took this task on head first, scared and on the phone a lot!
I didnt have all the time I needed to finish all the projects I started, though I did finish most! I was even able to paint a nativity for my visiting teaching partner. The kids, knowing my "perfection attitude" teased me about how funny the people looked, but I did not have time for perfection, so I let that go and she loved it!
I also made the kids curtains for their new rooms, cork board, and pillow cases to match. Their new rooms are not finished, or even really started, but I have alot of stuff out of Amira's,(which was my office) so the next step is to get the wallpaper off and prep for painting. I am so excited for this because we let them pick their colors and I think it will turn our wonderful!

I have to rewind a bit, back before Thanksgiving, Reids parents came and spent some time with us, we had the kids most of the week they were here so it was fun for them to come and be able so spend so much time with them and us! Weston and his family were able to come see them & us also, so we had a lot of fun, and really caused and uproar when we girls stole away and went to town... It was a lot of fun to have a girls evening out! Amira enjoyed having a girl cousin to play with, & Grandpa enjoyed having his feet, hands and head messaged (Amira is really good at messaging! She is the only one that can really touch my feet!) Our kitty, Kiina, really enjoyed herassing Grandma, Grandma even saved her life! Dad helped Reid with the installation of our new fireplace (Thanks to Weston!) Which we are very much enjoying! After Weston, Des, & thier kids went home Amira says to me, "we need to get us one of those..." (meaning Kaitlyn) and she has not quit bugging me about a little sister since :) And then we had Thanksgiving with Russel, Melinda, Preston & Cameron (a family friend) So of course, Amira just adored Preston too! It was really fun to watch her with these babies, its kind of been a fear of mine to how they'd react to a sibling... They did not take it well after I had my first known miscarriage... Anyways, this year was my first to do Thanksgiving ya know without My Mommy, or Reids Mommy, (or His Aunts) and I was quite nervous! to say the least, and the message that my Visiting teaching partner chose, spoke of turning your troubles over to the Lord. So I did just that, I prayed so, that everything would turn out pleasing (because I am a perfectionist) and shortly after I'd said the prayer I had peace, I was calm, and I went about singing. Thanksgiving dinner did turn out Wonderful! and the company we had made it even better! Richard and Amira helped out tons! Well especially Amira, who was absolutely thrilled to take on my usual (at home) Thanksgiving tasks, she made the Relish trey, like artwork! The turkey, I thought turned out perfect (though none of ours survived Lumpy to be Thanksgiving Dinner, the storebought one was great!) Reid woke up with me and we loaded it up together, and as we tucked it in the oven, he joked "Our first Turkey in the oven." Which we both laughed at, because well...
We enjoyed playing games, eating, and eating some more! Pies, cheesecake, crackers, cheeseballs, dips... We had a Wonderful Thanksgiving! All the While I was thinking how Thankful I was for my answered prayers and Happy family, & my Miracle!
So as Christmas neared, I became increasingly worried as to what to get or make for Reid, nothing was coming to me, I still have no clue, he texted me and asked if he could by himself this gift he wanted, I was thrilled, and said of course! So the largest gift is his gift from me! He new everything under the tree for him, cause he purchased it! Except a few things in his stocking! We were able to go up and get our Christmas tree as a family, and a little bit of fire wood for my parents, it was a little rough considering the snow, but it was a lot of fun, Amira makes fun of the tree because I had a better one originally picked out and Reid saw this one and decided it was our tree. When we got it home I realized how odd it looked and she laughed and said, "I told you!" all I could say was oh... but its not too bad. Time flies so fast anyways, it will be goat food soon!
Reid and I have always enjoyed going to the after Christmas sales, and so the four of us headed into town on the 26th and stopped at Wal-Mart, Reid asked someone if he could have their leftover Christmas trees to feed to the goats, they said yes, & counted for inventory purposes, 45! and then he thought well I will call Home Depot, they also said yes! they had about 50! These were the most beautiful trees I have ever seen! They were so perfect! and now they are goat food! Its kind of funny, but kind of sad! their are so many needy people, and thier prices were so high! Of course with 3 goats and 2 cows they could not possibly eat all those christmas trees! So we shared, and a neighber with over 100 goats drove Reids truck into town and met us at Home Depot where we loaded our first bunch! We dropped off a bundle at their home and then onto ours, you shoulda heard our crowd go nuts! The were so excited, lol

On Christmas Day, (we opened gifts on Wed. instead of Fri. so the kids could enjoy them longer) we played in the snow, we took our two 4-wheelers and two sleds, and went by Newton Lake and drove up a hill, found a short steep hill for the kids, pulling them behind us we pulled them to the top, so they could sled down, it was uneven terain we pulled them on, so it was funny, then the steepness of the hill was Great fun!Reid was actually on the lake, I was too chicken, so I stayed up top and took pictures of our rope we use during the summer to swing into the lake, the beautiful frozen lake. It was such a beautiful clear day!
Our good friends invited us on a sliegh ride, so just after dark we went on over. It was really cold, so I sat close to the fire, yes there was a fire on the sliegh. It helped keep me warm while I roasted a few marshmellows. Reid decided he would ski behind the sliegh and talked Rachel into it too... They had a lot of fun, until they fell off and had to run to catch up to us.

We had a Wonderful, Fun, very busy Christmas! The last couple of months have been shared, with Family and Friends and with Lots of Love! I am still amazed as I watch the kids learn and grow! They are so very intelligent! and a lot of fun to just hang out with! Of course now that they are no longer with us, and the quiet is no longer filled with their laughter (or arguing), I really think about the best gifts I have! They will be back in a week! Seems like forever!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday Season! Please remember Our Savior, and keep him with you throughout the New year, Wow, 2010!
May God Bless and be with everyone!